Cynthia can remember never liking herself, even as a child. She remembers at age four hating herself. She thinks now it had to do with her family, who themselves were all alcoholics. She was afraid of bringing friends home as the police might be there or her parents might be engaged in a brutal physical fight. Cynthia thinks her first drink was at age four or five, when made to get beer for her father out of the family fridge. She took a sampling, because she watched her father drink all the time. Cynthia’s next big drink happened at age 15, with friends. And when she drank, he teenage insecurities melted away and she felt different; funny, popular and sexy.